End of the Road
by meee18
Summary: Spoilers for 3.02 then AU. Merlin is determined to not repeat his mistakes, forcing Morgana to rethink everything she knows.
1. Chapter 1

He's doesn't think he's ever wanted something more than the time he wanted to tell Morgana about his magic. It had been like a constant itch he had whenever he caught sight of her, bags under her eyes, blotchy from crying, and still ignorant of her powers. And no matter how many times Gaius tells him it's not his fault, he knows he is the one responsible for what she has become. A cold shell of the once kind-hearted girl she used to be, now consumed with hatred. Not Uther with his continuous persecution of those with magic, not Arthur for constantly having more on his mind than Morgana's concerns, nor Gaius for constantly refusing to guide her. The blame lies entirely on his shoulders.

His mind wanders constantly to when she had grabbed him in one of the alcoves of the corridor, and threatened to tell Uther about him. Her eyes were cold, and her hair pulled away from her face only served to make her look even more menacing. He's shocked, not even daring to respond to any of her threats, simply watching as she walked away.

He can see her now, sitting across from Arthur, every inch of her looking like the beloved ward of Uther Pendragon. She looks the same as she ever did, but he can detect the differences, the slight tightening of her fingers around her goblet every few seconds, the twist of her lips as she tries to hide her smirk. It irks him that nobody else can see it. She catches his gaze suddenly, and her eyes narrow before turning back to whatever Uther is saying.

"MERLIN," he hears Arthur bellow suddenly and he jumps almost dropping his jug. He reaches to fill the empty goblet that was just shoved in his face, and catches sight of Morgana's smirk as she drinks from her own. The sight makes him feel nothing but dread.

xxx

He's never regretted saving Uther's life, no matter how much Killgarrah had warned him against it. Even though he has faith in king Arthur will become, he knows he's not ready, not yet. He feels grief as he watches Arthur say goodbye to his father, assuring him of how he will not let him down.

Later, he can't help the grin on his face as Arthur calls his words wisdom. It fades as Arthur leaves the room. Can't Morgana see this? How great Arthur will become? How it would be better to wait for him to inherit the throne, instead of all this murder and mayhem. How he wished their destinies lay on the same path instead of completely opposite sides.

xxx

The war has started. The enemy keep coming, but the knights are doing a good job at holding them off. For how long can this continue? He barely has time to breathe, trying to hurry to Arthur's side and at the same time keep an eye on Morgana. This is the perfect time for her to help her sister destroy Camelot from within. He sprints across the citadel, trying to do anything to help Arthur's men from being cut down.

He freezes as he notices a skeleton holding a sword, moving towards Arthur. His hand raises as he points and Arthur finally turns around. This is one of those times he just wished Arthur knew about his magic. How easy it would be to simply hold out his hand, mutter a spell. All he can do is pretend to cower, like the coward Arthur believes him to be. All those thoughts are forgotten when he no longer finds Morgana in the hospital, instantly knowing it is her behind this.

xxx

"You of all people could change Uther's mind," he advises moving a step closer to her. "But doing this, using magic like this would only hard his heart."

"You don't have magic, Merlin," she scoffs as if the thought so ludicrous. She had no idea. "How could you hope to understand?"

"I do understand, believe me!" he feels like he's about to burst with his secret. Her head rises defiantly as he says that and he stops himself from saying anymore. Perhaps there is no way to save her. Morgana is the most stubborn, defiant person he has ever met and he senses nothing he says tonight will change her mind.

He tries once more. "We can find another way."

Her lips tremble slightly, her hands shaking, and for a moment he thinks he's gotten through to her. His heart sinks as watches her face harden. "There is no other way."

He erupts. "I have magic."

xxx

He's imagined this in his head a thousand times. And there is always a different reaction from Morgana. None of the different scenarios he's seen are like the reality. He never thought of her not even believing him.

She laughs bitterly as if this is all a joke. "Is that the best you have Merlin?"

He smiles as he moves forward his palm open toward her. He mutters the words under his breath, watches the shock settle on her face, her eyes widening, jaw dropping as she stares at the fire in the palm of his hand. He takes another step towards her, his arm falling to his side as she moves back, her mouth hanging open slightly.

"Morgana.." he pleads, trying once more to approach her but her hand comes up and he stops. He can see the tears filling her eyes. He always wondered how it would feel, sharing his secret with someone else other than Giaus. So far, nothing has convinced him that this was a good idea. She's still watching him, keeping her eyes on his form.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I'm so sorry."

Another laugh escapes her throat, sounding even bitterer than the first. "You're sorry? What kind of friend were you? All those times I came to you asking for you help?" her voice trembling when she says "How could you simply ignore my fears?"

And suddenly Morgana lungs at him, the sword in her hand aimed at his heart. He barely has time to duck before she's swinging at his head again. He tries his hardest to evade her blows. He knows she doesn't want to kill him. Seeing the anger on her face, maybe that's not a true assumption but she needs a clear head and he doesn't want to hurt her. He mutters another spell, and the rocks above collapse on her. The staff is his concern now.

Merlin rushes to it, cuts it in half, and hopes he's not too late.

xxx

He carries her up to her chambers and calls Gaius.

"It's simply a head wound Merlin." Gaius assures him, placing a wet cloth on her head. "She'll be fine in the morning."

Merlin's on his knees by the side of the bed and he sighs gratefully before looking at him and choking out "I told her. She knows I have magic."

He's seen Gaius speechless a thousand times, heard his speeches of how he must keep his secret hidden from all and has no desire to hear them again. He avoids his gaze and says "I know what you're going to say. Please don't."

He feels Gaius come up behind him, placing his arm around his shoulder and squeezes him tight. "Whatever your reasons Merlin, I'm sure it was the only way."

"What do I do, Giaus?" he mutters, his gaze never leaving Morgana.

Gauis sighs. He had loved Morgana like his own, and perhaps he too is to blame for how she turned out. He's constantly thankful that Merlin has someone for guidance, how could he have deprived Morgana of the same? Maybe there is still time to right this wrong.

"I fear we must confess everything. Before she has time to go to Uther and offer your head."

xxx

He's been pacing for hours. Not that there was much room to pace in Morgana's chambers. He's surprised she hasn't woken up yet; he's already tripped more than once. There still an hour before sunrise but he can see the light, looking outside the window. He doesn't have much time before Arthur will expect him.

Merlin hears murmuring coming from the bed and turns around. Morgana's sitting up, it looks like she's shaking herself awake but then she freezes and catches his gaze across the room. Both his mind and body are telling him to get as far away from her as possible but Merlin's determined not to be a coward this time. This is his second chance.

"We need to talk, Morgana."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I sincerely hope this was well worth the wait. A thank-you to everyone who's reviewed so far! This was a bit of a struggle so please let me know what you think of it. :)

* * *

This is the longest he's seen Morgana without her cold facade since she came back to Camelot. She looks lovelier than ever, no makeup or jewels, no smirk on her lips taunting him. Her gaze never leaves his as she gets out of the bed and shrugging on a robe, she moves towards the door.

She doesn't open it, but her hand rests on the handle and turning towards him she says "Get out Merlin."

He doesn't move. No matter what she says or threatens, he will not move until she knows everything. He takes a few steps forward, stopping when her eyes narrow at him.

"I'm sorry Morgana."

She scoffs. "I've heard this before Merlin. Now get out before I call the guards on you."

"No, you haven't, not the whole story. Please Morgana, a few more minutes," he pleads.

She looks like she's about to protest, but then frowning she stalks to his earlier place by the window. She pointedly looks away from.

"I wanted to tell you everything, as soon as I was sure about your magic but I was warned against it." He can only imagine the anger on Killgarah's face if he knew what he was doing now, but even that is not enough to deter him. "Someone told me you were destined for evil."

Morgana spins around to face him, looking incredulous.

"It doesn't matter who it was," he hurries to explain. "I believed his words to be true." He suddenly feels slightly ashamed. His mother had always taught him how important it was not to judge people based on previous actions and how a person can truly change for the better. No matter what, he had always listened to her advice and used it. To him, Arthur is living proof of how much a person can change. But he allowed his glimpses of Morgana's hatred of Uther and her actions to overrule anything else he may have thought of her.

"Were we not friends, Merlin?" She ask and he can see clearly the rage on her face. "Why befriend me, pretend, if you believed this destiny?"

"It wasn't like that! You were a good friend to me. I wanted to share my secret with you! I simply allowed your actions to cloud my mind, no matter how much I wanted to be proven wrong."

"My actions?" she questions.

It's been so long since that day she struck a deal with the sorcerer Tauren to end Uther's life, and Merlin's first glimpse of the darkness lying within Morgana. His belief was confirmed even more when she stole the crystal of Neahtid for Alvarr, and her alliance with Morgause. He sees the surprise on her face, when he mentions the first event, but it suddenly hardens at the mention of Mordred and Morgause.

"You could have stopped that Merlin! All I wanted was to know that there was someone out there who understood what I was going through!"

The sun has risen, the light shining brightly into the room, illuminating the vast sadness in her eyes. The guilt he feels crushing his chest increase tenfold, and his shoulders sag visibly.

"At first I thought keeping you in the dark would be the only way to protect you," he admits. "After you accidentally lit your room on fire, I couldn't stand by and do nothing so I thought the if you met the Druids they would guide you. When the witch-finder Aredian showed up, I was happy you didn't know about my magic, only because I knew how fragile you already were and how much a burden it would have been for you to keep my secret too."

"How can I trust anything you say?" she questions haughtily.

"This is no trickery Morgana! What use would there be when my life rests in the balance?"

She smiles, but it is an expression of malice. "Now you know how it feels when your life is in the hands of your enemy."

He's trying so hard to make her see the truth, but his betrayal seems to have embedded so deep into her mind, he feels nothing he says will change anything.

"That was not entirely my fault," he shouts angrily. "You turned to Morgause first!"

"Only because you were too much of a coward to tell the truth." She snaps back.

"And I rightfully take the blame for it. But that was Morgause's fault, as much as was is mine. She made you the vessel for her enchantment."

"That was without my consent!"

Morgana takes a deep breath. He's seen her fight for what she believes whether be it with Uther or Arthur, but he never thought her disapproving gaze would be directed at him one day.

"I understand you were serving Camelot and you prince. But wouldn't it have been easier to reveal your magic and remove the spell rather than poison me?"

"Morgana, the only way to remove that kind of enchantment was to kill you."

She shakes her head defiantly. "No, my sister would never put me in danger."

This time he strides over to her and grasps her hands in his. "Morgana," he says earnestly, "believe me when I say it was the only way. To save everyone we care about. Arthur, Gwen and Giaus. "

Her hands are shaking in his grasp, and she tries pulling away but he holds tighter. "No, she mutters "You're a liar."

He can see how terrified she is, that he might actually be speaking the truth of her sister. The only person she believes is on her side, a traitor like all the other people in her life.

"She had no way on knowing that I had magic," he says truthfully. "She truly believed you wouldn't be in any danger, that no one would know how to break it." If it provides her with some relief until she confronts her sister then it's worth saying.

He suddenly notices how close they are, and he pulls away, a slight blush on his cheeks. He looks back to her, and the blush deepens when he sees her gazing at him, a curious expression on her face.

"For some reason, I'm inclined to believe you Merlin." The shock he feels must be clearly visible for her to see as she lets outs a breathy chuckle. "As you said, you have no reason to lie."

"I don't want to los.."

The door of her bedroom opens abruptly, cutting him off midway and Gwen enters the room, a lovely smile on her face, ready to greet her mistress.

"Merlin!" she stops suddenly, her face brightening even more at the site of her friend. "What are you doing here?"

He smiles back but before he can respond Morgana speaks up. "I was just thanking him for the lovely flowers."

Gwen smile widens. "Yes, of course."

There's nothing more he can say to her, not until she confronts Morgause, and hears the truth for herself. He throws Gwen another smile and slips back into the hallway. Perhaps this is the first step in him making amends but from now on, Morgana's actions are her own. He can only hope she makes the right choices.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: So sorry for the delay again. I'm definitely a better reader than a writer. Probably just one more chapter after this. As always, thanks for the reviews and please let me know what you think of this one :)

* * *

Merlin walks into the Arthur's chambers setting down his bucket and cloth. Cleaning chain mail after a battle is never fun, especially since the blood never seems to come off the first time. Arthur comes barging in, only minutes after he's started and sets his sword on the table.

"It's good to see you hard at work today Merlin," he says teasingly. "After you missed serving me at breakfast I thought you might be sleeping in."

Merlin barely glances up, just continues his hard scrubbing, his mind only thinking of Morgana. What if because he never revealed his magic before he's pushed her to Morgouse even more? Morgouse is her sister and he is simply a lowly servant, who once tried to kill her. His mind reasons that she tried to kill him too, when she left him to die in the forest. They have both wronged each other.

"... and now father has called a meeting. I think it might have something to might have something to do with Morgana." Merlin lifts his head so suddenly, it hurts and he winces.

"Hah," Arthur smirks at him. "I thought mentioning Morgana might get your attention." Merlin simply glances back down, hoping his face doesn't show anything.

Arthur continues on while changing behind the panel. "She looked very satisfied this morning during breakfast."

Now Merlin regrets skipping breakfast for an extra half an hour of sleep.

xxx

Merlin can't describe the fear he feels as Uther's words rebound in his head again and again.

"_We knew there was a traitor in our midst." _

This is it. In a minute Uther is going to call out the guards to arrest him and he's going to be burnt at the stake. All he can see of Morgana is her back and he's terrified that she's already told Uther and is now dragging out his punishment, allowing everyone he cares about watch him being dragged away.

"_However we have to thank the one person who outwitted them and who almost singlehandedly turned the battle. The lady Morgana!"_

Uther's looking on like a proud father, and as Morgana's gaze meets his it doesn't leave. Her smirk is clearly meant for him and his mind goes blank. He doesn't look away until Giaus suddenly nudges him with an elbow.

"... that someone else was instrumental in this battle. Morgana informs me that Merlin," Uther acknowledges him "was a great help to her. We owe them both a great debt."

Whatever Merlin was expecting, it certainly wasn't this. He can see Arthur's wide grin, Gwen's proud smile, Gauis's confused look as he stands up besides Morgana and forces a smile on his face. Morgana is twisting his mind in so many ways; it's too difficult speculating what her end game is.

xxx

Merlin can't sleep. The icy wind nips at his cheeks and he rubs his hands together, trying to conjure up some warmth. The view is beautiful tonight and he loves the site of Camelot under the moon and stars. He doesn't even hear the door open and jumps slightly when Morgana hits his shoulder lightly.

"Don't you knock?" he asks.

A small smirk appears on her face. "Would you rather I wake Giaus up to join us?" she states before sitting on the edge of his bed. Her face doesn't look as guarded as usual but he doesn't move from his place by the window. She lets out a small chuckle and pats the bed. "I won't bite, Merlin."

Hesitantly, he sits down beside her. She doesn't speak, and he sighs quietly, rubbing his hands over his face. "What do you want, Morgana?"

"I want the truth, the whole truth." He glances at her, taking in the site of her, sitting on his bed looking every inch of the king's ward. Always so beautiful. He can't help but smile slightly as he begins.

"It all started the day I arrived in Camelot."

xxx

Merlin never was much of a story-teller, and he stammers a few times before realising he doesn't have to hide anything from her, and after that the words flow much more easily from his mouth.

He starts right from the beginning; the first time he ever used magic in Camalot, to save Gaius's life. How he never knew that people weren't born by magic, usually it was a skill they acquired over time. It's surprising how many times he's used his magic and nobody noticed, he thinks as he recounts more and more stories. The important ones mainly; meeting the great Dragon,killing the Afanc, the unicorn, healing Gwen's father, and saving Arthur again and again. There's still so much more; about his father, the dragon lords, and his part in the destruction of Camelot.

He's only halfway through the story of his life and Morgana's staring as if seeing him for the first time. He can feel the heat rising in his cheeks, and he averts his gaze as her eyes slide over him repeatedly. His pulse hums and trips under his skin. While before he had no trouble meeting her cold stare, when she looks at him differently he feels like a shy, bumbling fool.

She interrupts him suddenly and asks "How many times have you saved Uther's life?"

He frowns slightly, "What?"

"How many times have you saved Uther?"

"Umm..I'm not sure. Three, four maybe five, I don't know Morgana, I don't keep count. I don't do it for the glory!"

She's stands up glaring at him. "What about the time Arthur tried to kill him? Did you stop him?"

"How..?" he questions. She breathes deeply and waits for him to answer but his lips simply tighten. "Sir Leon confided in Gwen. They are childhood friends. And Gwen confided in me," she sighs, "She was worried about him and wanted me to talk to him but I wasn't sure if they were simply rumours. It sounded so unbelievable."

As another sign of trust in her he tells her all about Morgouse and Yigraine, Arthur's grief and his own lies to protect him.

"But if Arthur was born of magic, and Uther knows," she murmurs and he watches her as she connects the dots. Her face twists into an expression of pure rage. "He's a complete hypocrite! He kills and kills when once he himself..."

He beckons to her to keep her voice down, and she glances at the door before turning to face him again. "How can you keep quiet Merlin?" she snaps at him, always angry. "I never believed you that much of a coward."

He fights back a biting retort. "It was not an act of cowardice. Arthur tried to kill his father, and we both know he never would have forgiven himself."

"You say that as if the world would not be better off without Uther as king." She states irritably, beginning to pace in front of him.

"Arthur is not yet ready to be king. He needs his father's guidance," he says softly. "And yours if you are still willing to give it. He needs to learn to listen, and learn that not everything can be solved with a sword."

"My guidance?" she stops to stare.

"He always listened to you. You pushed him when neither I nor Gwen could. He wanted to prove himself to you, and Uther." He had envied that ability of hers. It was his destiny to guide Arthur to be the greatest king ever, why couldn't fate make it easier on him by making him someone Arthur would actually take seriously instead of his manservant.

"How can you have so much faith in one man?" She growls her hands gesturing wildly. "It's like betting all of your savings in one game, where all the odds are against you."

He runs his hands through his hair as he struggles for the right words. He knows what he says next will increase her fury. "You know that feeling you had, when you were scared to death of your magic? When you felt all alone, and had no one to turn to?"

She's glaring at him and he knows exactly what's running through her mind. _Only you're to blame for that._

"I was born like this. I always believed that there was a reason I had my magic. Something that would help people, as magic should only be used for good. Only for good." He repeats determinately.

"I believe you have a good heart, Morgana." He states and her eyes are still full of disbelief, still so distrusting. He knows now that all she ever wanted was someone to accept her, magic and all. "It's the reason I'm fighting so hard for you now."

She simply swallows and doesn't respond. The room is full of tension and he shifts nervously on the bed. Just when he's about to suggest they both get some rest she says "I'm meeting Morgouse tonight." Her hand is resting on the bracelet on her arm and she keeps rubbing it, her fingers following the engravings. "I'm asking you to not follow me again." There is a warning in her voice and he takes heed of it, simply pressing his lips together, watching her walk towards the door. It seems they are done for tonight.

His jaw clenches as he stops himself from begging, pleading, anything to make her stay here, away from Morgouse, away from the darkness that has its strong hold on her.

"What are you going to do?" His voice sounds stronger than he feels.

She turns back, a sad smile illuminating her face, the first smile he's seen in a long time. "I don't know."

xxx

His arms are shaking and he feels ready to collapse as he scrubs at the floor. His late night is finally taking its toll.

A knock on the door startles him out of his thoughts, before a voice calls out his name. Gwen.

"Merlin? Are you in there?" she knocks once more before opening the door and poking her head in. She smiles widely when she sees him on the ground. "Is Arthur working you too hard again?"

"As usual, right?" he says smirking slightly. She lets out a small laugh before sobering up. "I'm actually here on Morgana's behalf. She requested a sleeping drought tonight."

He looks up, glancing at Gwen's worried face. "Nightmares again?"

She nods. "They seem to have started up last night. She didn't look well rested today."

A voice in his head suspiciously sounded like Killgarah mentions it's probably because she's too busy planning out his demise. He successfully ignores it.

"I'll tell Giaus when I get back."

"Thank you, Merlin."

xxx

He feels anxious as he makes his way to Morgana's chambers, and hesitates before knocking.

_The moment of truth, he thinks. _

The door opens and he steps in, squeezing though the entrance into the room, brushing past Morgana as she shuts the door. They both face each other and his mouth opens and closes a few times. What can he say?

_Umm, I just want to know if you're completely evil now?_

He's taken aback when she smiles softly as if she can hear his thoughts.

"Show me your magic, Merlin."


End file.
